April Fool's Day was both good and bad for South Florida baseball. First, Billy the Marlin lost his head while skydiving into P.P. Park on the season's opening day. While this might seem a bad omen, the actual baseball-playing Marlins proved to be worth $89 million, or at least $7.95 a pound, by beating the Chicago Cubs, who happen to be the oldest team to have never won a World Series.

Billy the Marlin's head was never found. Fortunately, the team mascot had a spare, which says something about mascots in general. Furthermore, the loss of the head turned out to be a public relations bonanza for the team and erstwhile billionaire owner H. Wayne Huizenga, who somewhere along the line seemed to lose most of his first name.

The loss of the mascot's head was good P.R. because it added another dimension to the Marlins' season, not unlike the 1995-96 Florida Panthers hockey team. Their season started when Scott Mellanby slapshot a rat to death in the locker room before their home opener and then went out and scored two goals.

Of course, we all know what happened after that. It became a ritual to pelt the ice with pseudo-rats every time the Panthers scored a goal, which was great for rubber rat manufacturers as well as team spirit and community unity. The Panthers went on to glory, making it to the Stanley Cup finals before getting buried like a slapshot rat by the Colorado Avalanche.

If all goes according to plan, Marlins fans will soon start pelting the field with fish heads every time the team scores a run, and business will boom for fish head merchants throughout South Florida.

The loss of Billy the Marlin's fiberglass head has also turned into a treasure hunt, with its value now equal to four season tickets. Personally, I doubt that the head will ever be found because I believe this is what happened:

Huizenga, who has always been rather adept at recognizing an opportunity to make money and/or generate publicity, actually booby-trapped the head so that it would fly off when its wearer reached terminal velocity. Calculating the altitude where this would happen, wind direction and speed, and aerodynamic properties of a flying fish head, he figured that it would land precisely in the deep end of Mr. Adolph Fischkopf's swimming pool. Huizenga then made a tax-deductible donation to the FBI's Efram Zimbalist Home for Retired and/or Indicted G-Men. In return, FBI agents whisked Mr. Fischkopf to Washington to have coffee with the president, and while he was away, allowed Huizenga to station some corporate clones at Mr. Fischkopf's three-bedroom, two and a half bath suburban ranch house. Unfortunately, Billy the Marlin's head was blown off course by a sudden gust of cosmic wind caused by the comet Hale-Bopp and landed in the garden of the neighbor, Mrs. Finzi Continis, who was summarily executed...

Okay, okay. This column's getting out of control. I apologize, but that's what happens on a Friday afternoon after you've eaten a meatball sub for lunch and seem more prepared for a siesta than anything remotely resembling work.

But as ridiculous as Huizenga/Billy the Marlin head conspiracy might appear, it's not much more April-fooly than the gag the Village Council played on the Key Biscayne Athletic Club at the Council's April 1 meeting.

Steve Simon, a pathologist who coaches baseball when he's not otherwise occupied examining dead and/or diseased tissue, asked the Councilmembers for permission to use two portable backstops on the Village Green for T-ball and coach-pitch practice sessions. He patiently explained the need for backstops in terms that could be understood by everyone, whether or not he or she knew a baseball from a hockey puck.

In short, the reasons baseball fields need backstops are to keep the ball from rolling away on strikes and balls, and containing foul tips. While a foul ball flying off the edge of a bat might not be as dangerous as something like a plastic fish head falling at terminal velocity, it could cause injury to a spectator or even a teammate who might have momentarily taken his eye off the game to tie his shoe or pick a scab or spit out a wad of chewing tobacco and/or gum. Also, not mentioned at the time was the fact that rolling balls tend to be chased by little kids who aren't always aware of potential health hazards such as cars, trucks, cyclists and in-line skaters.

Dr. Simon explained that the backstops would be funded and maintained by the athletic club and rolled away on weekends to discourage bigger kids from using them for pick-up games. Furthermore, this would be just a temporary situation lasting about 10 weeks and would do a great deal to alleviate the critical shortage of playing fields on the Key.

It seemed like a no-brainer to me. I was mildly surprised that the request prompted a 20-minute debate and shocked when it was shot down by a 4-3 vote.

I kept waiting for someone to yell, "April Fool!" But no one did. Dr. Simon's head dropped and he walked out of the Council Chambers as dejectedly as Casey stepped out of the Mudville batter's box after striking out. I wrote down in my notebook, "The Grinches Who Stole Baseball Season," certainly an exaggeration in all but spirit.

True, baseball season will continue. Dr. Simon and his fellow coaches will still conduct some practices on the Green and the 13 teams in the league will manage to practice with or without backstops and play their games on the two available bona fide fields at the elementary school and St. Agnes. Most likely, no one will be struck by a foul tip or get flattened by a runaway rollerblader. But the message the Village is sending to the kids is that their enjoyment and welfare isn't worth a bit of inconvenience or compromise.

Personally, I think that the Village Green looks great when it's full of activity, from the tot lot to the soccer games (which, incidentally, include goals that are as obtrusive as portable baseball backstops) to the bikers and skaters and joggers and strollers: mothers and fathers and maids and nannies...it's the center of the community like a living room or den is the center of a household. And if the kids occasionally leave a few toys lying around, so what?

I hope that the Council will reconsider the issue. Perhaps, by the time this is published, they will have reversed their decision.

But today, there is no joy in Key Biscayne, for the mighty Council has struck out.